Aug 4, 2007

The Draw of Unfavorable Intertype Relations

Given the difficulties inherent in such intertype relations as conflict, Super-Ego, supervision, and others, one might wonder why people would ever choose these relations for romance and even marriage. Wouldn't the lack of harmony and cohesiveness destroy the relationship from the onset?

Naturally, it all starts with physical attraction. People can find themself attracted to someone of any type, and biological programs kick in that encourage people to lower barriers regardless of psychological comfort levels. After all, the early stages of nearly any romantic relationship are uncomfortable, and the psyche is well-equipped to handle this.

A likely draw of conflict, supervision, and Super-Ego relations is that positive input from these types is flattering to the individual. It gives you a big self-esteem boost when you can get these types to like you and evaluate you positively. One feels like one has overcome a huge challenge to establish a relationship, and this fact is highly prized. Partners are united by the shared challenge of overcoming the huge distance between them to find a common language and somehow be close.

These relations take a lot out of partners and leave them quite worn out, especially after the initial romance is gone. Partners tend to slip back into their own language and interests and to limit their interaction with each other. If they respected each other to begin with, a sense of flattering (because of positive input on one's Super-Ego functions) mutual respect may remain, but gradually the relationship exerts a toughening and tiring influence on partners. The distance cannot be bridged after all.

Relations of conflict usually lead to a quiet separation of functions and limiting of interaction to a formal minimum. Usually partners lose their spontaneity around each other. Super-Ego relations invite more direct interaction and spontaneity but are famous for their outspoken conflicts and mutual accusations that always lead to a stalemate. Relations of supervision lead to bitter tears and feelings that the supervisor refuses to value the supervisee for who he is.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the insight, it has been quite reassuring to read the explanation of such relations, as I have just broke up with my conflict type. I cant put time back, but I can understand it, and thats comforting.

Anonymous said...

Oh, my mother is my supervisor,(they're duals with my father), my older brother is my conflicting type. My closest friend and a person who i loved most in my life is my super-ego. Never considered it as a bad relationship.

Thats nice.

Ричард said...

If those are all great relationships and couldn't be better, then some of those people might be mistyped.

Anonymous said...

i was talking about the super-ego relation, which ended anyway. More or less in the way that you described.
Never had anything better tho, i cannot say that I don't love that person, it was also kind of like a family to me.

As for the family, do you think you can 'love' your family made of 'unfavourable' types? (yup, i'm a Fi valuing type and it confuses me a bit)

Ричард said...

"Love" - definitely. There will probably be type-related complications, though, such as not meeting each other's expectations.

Unknown said...

*Ahem* Hopefully the above conversation doesn't end in 'supervision' tears :P

Amazing article in my opinion, Rick. I've been experiencing the relations quite a lot recently (especially when I found myself in a complicated ring of supervision last night), and I've observed many connections to what you've got to share.