Finding compatible partners is very easy. Really. Just follow these simple steps:
- Find out what behavior styles are natural for you
- Behave naturally
- Wait and see who is drawn to you
- Take your pick
By "natural," I mean behavior that neither causes nor results from internal discomfort. If you can tell jokes and make the crowd laugh in a relaxed frame of mind, then that is your natural behavior. If you can sit and listen quietly without feeling tense inside, then that is natural. If you feel uncomfortable and tense trying to seem interested/funny/conscientious/quiet/loud, etc. - you are behaving unnaturally. You cannot attract compatible partners in a state of tension.
Many people think they have to do something extraordinary to attract people. If acting "extraordinary" comes naturally to you, than this might be the case. However, it is untrue for everyone else. If natural behavior in a group for you usually involves sitting and doing nothing, or listening passively, believe me - there is a whole category of people who are attracted to this. Trying to be something else and creating tension inside yourself will turn off potential compatible partners who are unconsciously looking for the calm, receptive type. They are not looking for tense, unbalanced imitators.
Many people are too unsure of themselves and their prospects to wait long enough for the compatible partners to emerge out of the woodwork. They want to force things along and make things happen now - for fear that it might be their last chance. However, often the people who notice you first are not the ones who will ultimately prove to be compatible. Instead, they are the people who like the shape of your lips, or the design on your sweater, or some other random thing about you. As incompatible or semi-compatible people show interest in you, you will sense that they are unconsciously expecting a different behavior style than what is natural for you. If you cave in and try to give them that behavior, you will win the battle, but lose the war. The trouble will come later on in a relationship when you start dropping your act and behaving spontaneously.
But if you insist on acting naturally, these initial courters will soon lose interest and move on, and another set of people will gravitate towards you. These are the people who think it's cool that you left the party early because you were tired, or - on the contrary - stayed there till the last people left in order to make sure everyone was having a good time. These people have noticed and value your natural, internally relaxed behavior and see something promising in it for themselves. They'll give you clues like sitting or standing closer to you, leaning forward and mimicking your facial expressions when you talk to them, asking you questions you find perceptive, and doing other good things. If you've done a good job of being yourself, then you have almost surely found the people who are most compatible with you in the given circumstances.